Resting...

I think last night.. Or should I say this morning, was probably the last time I worked at the go go dancing spot. It was more like a strip joint anyway but we didn't take our clothes off yet still had to give them all of our money. I have no problems with being a stripper, but if I'm not being paid stripper money, why the hell should I be paying you?

I really want to do more burlesque stuff and stay out of the stripper/go go dancing thing. But honestly, if your a no named burlesque performer... your not getting paid or the pay is so little that I couldn't even get a good breakfast meal at the corner store. No matter how cute your outfits are and how great your performances are, if you don't have the right connections your not going anywhere. It is kind of sad because when everyone sees me perform (go go dancing or burlesque wise), they think that I have been dancing for years and they tell me how great I am. I've only been dancing "professionaly" for 4 months.

The only good thing working about that go go spot is that I've got some good connections from the guys that came down there so I when I do go back and perform, I will be a regular thing for a longer period of time because people are spreading the word about little ole me.

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Last night after I left early at the go go spot I found out as I was right there at my door step (around 1pm), that I was locked out of my house. When I went to the fitting for DEMASK, my bag was soaked from the rain so I changed bags before I left out to the go go dancing spot. However, I forgot my keys! My brother was in the house but he was alseep. I banged the door so fucking hard that my right wrist is sore. I also tried to picked the lock... I almost got it but I still couldn't get in. After 2 hours and dozzing off right next to the front door.. I mustered up the stregth to walk to my grandma's house and crashed there. I went to sleep at about 3:30 am and didn't wake up until 3:30 pm. All week long I have been sleeping 2 or 3 hours because of the 3 jobs I have (plus modeling on the side).

Believe it or not... It feels so great to be working and having money. I'm not living pay check to pay check!



My ears are 2 gauge now! YAY!

She works hard for the money....

I've been working non stop this week; I have three jobs. I'm beyond tired... I don't even know how I'm still awake, I have been up for over 24 hours now.

I'm very happy that I'm working but I'm soooo sore. My knees are flat out bruised up from Go Go dancing. The club that I'm at is new and the staff (so far) seem really nice, but the job is soley on tips plus a pay out. I've honestly been wasting my time as well as losing money from my other jobs to come there and do nothing for 12 hours and they take half of my money...

The money that I got was pure pocket change. I'm about to treat myself and blow all the Go Go dancing money on thrift store clothes, hookah... and maybe a bottle of some hardcore liquor.

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I've already been brainstorming about what I want to do for a b-day (which is all the way in April...) I want like this big fetishy-burlesquey-punk/rock party where some strippers/burlesque/go go dancers performing. I want to do a BIG finale performance as well. It would be my Super Duper 23. I haven't had a birthday party since I was 9 so I have alot of making up to do.

Speaking of fetishy---- I have a fitting for DEMASK today. I hope I can make myself go to sleep for a couple of hours before heading out to the city.

New photos make me go ZEEE!

Love these photos.. hate how awful my hair looks. Fucking rain messed it up so I had to put it up like that.

work

I hate working retail... It sucks. I haven't work retail since I was 19. I told myself I would never work retail again but I had go back, sadly. Today was training.. four long hours of computer training. All I wanted to do was go home and see about my cats.

I can't wait to start Go Go dancing again. I think I said that already, but fuck it I'm saying it again because I missed it.

This photo made my day:



Kenny took this. It is Felisha and I. I love how I look like a Little needy child. It is great. I want Kenny to take more photos of me.

Latex Lasso

I have soooo many unfinished entries with incomplete thoughs... I need to start posting more.


Today is the last day of walking around the house half naked and doing nothing.

Tomorrow I start of training at the infamous big chain retail store. I hate retail with a passion, but sadly my degree doesn't get me where right now but intern (non paid of course) level jobs. I can't do that right now.

I start Go Go dancing again next week. This time I will be performing at Coney Island. This is chessy however I don't care; I can't wait to dance again!! I miss the dressing room and the pretty ladies I use to perform with along side. Instead of dancing in a bird cage, I think I will be on a stage and/or dancing in a big glass tank. Figures, right?

I will be shooting my first porno very soon. Sorry to disappoint, but I will be behind the scenes, not infront. My cousin started an adult porn website and he wants to direct and do the camerawork. I'm always doing some crazy ass weird shit.

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Last week a went to a casting call for a Latex design company. They were looking for runway models. I was a little ify about trying out because I'm a short ass (5'6-5.6'5"ish), but I decieded to try out anyway.

I got really dolled up with my retro pin style hair. I put it up in a bun in the front and added some long ass black extensions that reach my ass to the back in the rear of my hair. It look something like this:



My makeup looked like Dita Von Teese as well. Simple thick eye wing with red lipstick. I wore a white wife beater, black waist clincher and retro looking waist soft 3/4 length blue-jeans . I had my leopard fuzzy 4.25 inch pumps on. Simple Modern Retro look that gave me alot of confidence. I was just about to leave when I realized my worst nightmare....

IT WAS POURING OUTSIDE!!!!

I already knew my hair would fizz up and my white tee would get wet. I had no time to change. I just ran out the house because I was pressing for time. I put my pumps in my bag and put flats on.

As soon as I got out the train station, my umbrella broke. I had to hold it up from the inside so my makeup wouldn't get messed up. My white tee turned into a grey tee. What a lovely day.

So I walked on the block and the street looks quite fimilar. I've seen this before. Probably night time because I rarelly walk the streets in the daytime. I soon remembered! My last performance at the Slipper Room was about 2 blocks away. The fetish store is a store I wanted to go in before with my mom but I totally forgot about that place.

I went in there and the staff was really nice. I filled out all my information, they took a poloarid of me and they asked me to walk. I put on my heels and walked. That was it, 2 min interview. Usually these castings are very short and they usually tell you right there on the spot if they want you or not. They told me I would get an email or call if I was selected. I automatically though,"oh, not picked"

I waited and waited... Just here checking all my emails and stuff and got an email from them to model for them. That made my day.

... Kind of pointless story but I felt like story telling today and I had nothing better to do.

Surprised...

So I'm on alot of networking sites, blog sites, pay sites and etc. It is all in the name of promoting. I try to log into these site's (which is a popular urban lingerie magazine) forum, put in my password and it doesn't go through. I tried my password again, it still didn't work. I already figured out I was banned from the site, but now I wanted to see why. So a friend who has a profile on that site copies and pastes the conversation. Basically the thread was about scams and one of the heads on the site misinformed what I said and instantly blocked me.

Now I really could care less that he blocked me, but the stuff he said about me was what I'm pissed off about. He basically said I was a fucking liar and had a low vocab. That really hurt my feelings because first off he was a real cool guy before and from him to not even understand what I'm talking about and snapped like that was foul altogether. It was like wow, that is how he really thinks of me or women in general, just dumbasses when he doesn't even know the full story of things?

Lastly but not least, I have my assoicates in Graphic Design which only took me 3 semesters to get. I'm learning Japanese and German thus, I'm very intelligent. How dare he rate me as a dumby.

I emailed him as soon as I saw the message. I was so angry that I probably proved his dumb ass theory with typos and run ons and such but atleast I explained myself. Like I said I don't really give a damn about being on the forum site again, but him degrading me like that, I feel that he owes me an apology. I will always remember, what goes around comes around.

Skinny Bitch

I did a shot last night and the photographer and makeup artist said I have gotten so skinny. I haven't even realized it. To me I look the same (well besides my new hair do). My tits are still there and huge as ever.


I've been so stressed out that I guess I haven't been eating right.


I feel like this photo (which was taken in June). I feel restraint, like people are always watching me yet I'm all alone.

I have a shot tomorrow and suppose to do another music video Sat and Sun for a pretty well known rapper.

That is basically it... I'm going out tonight to the hookah bar to smoking my brains out and going to change these tapers from a 8 gauge to 6 or 4 gauge.